It feels impossible, yes? To know that 230 young women were abducted from their school to be slaves to the militant factions of Nigeria. To be aware of the dynamics that produces such an event is overwhelming to me.
And yet, I am about healing. So, though I have raged and stewed and thrown up my hands, I will not let this slip by me. I will not write them off. I will not ignore it. While I can't make a government go and get these girls back... and I can't stop the violence... I can take steps toward healing.
Rape functions as the deposition of rage and pain and suffering of all people into women. We are all suffering at the hands of the current power structures in different ways. Freedom comes as women heal themselves of the pains of the world that have been deposited with them… both current and ancestral. We all carry this knowledge and experience within us. This pain is our doorway to healing... for these 230 girls that were abducted two weeks ago in Nigeria, and other women who have been forced into being receptors for the great pains of the world. I will stand for these girls... and all women, for their sovereignty, their autonomy, their beauty. I will stand for healing.
To do this... you and I can heal the pain that we carry, and we can offer this possibility to the collective, this experience of healing. You and I can do this here and now. I will. I am. For these 230 girls, I acknowledge the pain I’ve been willing to carry… AND I stand for no longer carrying that heaviness. I express the hope and beauty available to all when we no longer carry so deep a burden of shame and revulsion with ourselves, that we are able to be fully in ourselves… all of us... healed and whole. This is the healing of the Sacred Feminine. It is not a small act. And it requires deep courage. We can do it together.
Action step coming soon... I promise!
We have so many idioms about our digestion:
I guess it's not much of a surprise, then, if I tell you that we often draw connections between experiences in our external world, and our bodies. We understand the world through the physical because that's where we get the feedback of sensations and emotions (which we call "feelings").
For some reason I've been retelling my story often about how I came to healing. So, I thought I'd share it with you...
I was in midst of all kinds of mess that I won't go in to now, but suffice it to say my world was in major upheaval. I had two toddlers, and having come off of a long stint in academic science, the parental world of unending need and repetitive tasks just overtook my ability to cope. I was diagnosed with post-partum depression and put on medication.
Oddly enough, that wasn't enough to be my turning point. Things had to get worse first. And, the thing that eventually caused me enough pain to seek help was my digestion. I was allergic to dairy and it had become so unbearable that I couldn't eat out anymore. That was my last straw, because I was sick and tired of making 50 meals a day between two toddlers who at all day long and two adults that didn't want to eat bland toddler food. When I couldn't take a break from what was overwhelming... and get some support from a restaurant, that was when things got painful.
A friend invited us over for dinner one night... along with another family. Between all of us and our food sensitivities and preferences, we needed to avoid dairy, eggs, wheat, and soy. So, it was no surprise that our discussions turned to food at the dinner table. This woman I didn't know asked me why I thought I had an allergy to milk... and I told her I didn't know. I guess, at the time, I just thought that we are victims of circumstance and you just had to deal with it when you have food allergies... "avoid the offender".
She suggested to me that from the perspective of Bioenergy Balancing, which was a healing art she was being trained in, that dairy sensitivities were often associated with intense experiences around mothers, mothering, and nurturing. While I could totally relate to the mothering part, I couldn't see how it would show up in my digestion.
Six months later I was so deep in the discomfort and unhappiness of the constraints on my life, that I called this woman and asked her to work with me on my digestion. Eight weeks later I could eat anything I wanted to, and 7 years later I can still eat what I want.
From there I took the Bioenergy Balancing Practitioner Training and was able to address my hormone imbalances. However, what I learned in that transformation around my digestion was that I had literally internalized many beliefs, agreements, and ways of being, that were not true for me. The conflict that created between the life I believed I could have and the life I wanted were causing havoc in my system.
The process I went through took me from exhausted, depleted, and irritable, to happy, present, and fulfilled. So, if you see yourself in my story... overwhelmed, frustrated, and fatigued... consider joining me for the Healing Circle call on Sunday, May 4th at 9am Pacific. There's no cost to you, and it could be the beginning of addressing your pains. Don't wait until they're unbearable and you're desperate. Sign up for call in information here.
I was outside last night with the moon... did you feel that alignment? To me the moon felt heady, like laying on a bed of jasmine flowers. I also have to say that, though I don't really follow astrology all that much, I felt the cleansing, shedding aspect of it loud and clear. It felt like a snake moon to me... shedding the layers of some of the things that are old and not serving me anymore.
I guess it's no wonder then, that the Body Wisdom Healing Circle call for May is about digestion and discernment. It's all about what we choose to keep and nourish ourselves with, and what we are willing to discard that doesn't work for us anymore.
Last night, as I stood in my back yard, in the light of the eclipsing moon, feeling the shedding... almost like my clothes were removed and dropped at my feet... I realized how much I carry that is outdated and how it stands in my way. I say I want one thing and experience another, or I find my tribe and then I fear losing it, or I say I want life to be easy and then I cram my schedule so that I have no time for lunch and I'm always late. I even have conflicting beliefs about how successful I can be at building my practice, and at being a working mother. Those are the two that hit closest to my heart these days.
It's been exhausting to carry those things with me. And I know, that it's exhausting for others because they're the ones that show up in my healing practice. I have a mentor that always tells me to watch what comes through my door in my clients... because it's probably what I am working on too! Yup.
So, if you're interesting in having someone walking this path with you... the path of shedding, transforming, honoring, transmuting, and healing... you can join us on the Body Wisdom Healing calls that happen on the first Sunday of every month (next one is May 4th at 9am. Sign in for the call phone number here. I always welcome fellow travelers... because I know one thing for sure... which is that I don't want to do this alone!
*Oh... and if you were wondering if I took the picture at the top of the page... yes I did. I'm a bit proud of it too! I was experimenting with the exposure... and it's always a pleasure when a miracle occurs! :)
Part of the journey of the Hero (or Shero) is coming across injustice. There will always be a time in our lives that things feel unfair or unjust and we will feel angry. When we hold grudges, or hold past actions against people, we end up feeling resentful and bitter. Instead, we want to transmute anger... because when we do we allow space for ourselves to live in this moment (rather than in the past that we're made about) and to fully embrace our lives as they are.
This hasn't been easy for me. Recently I had an experience of an old pain that came to mind as I was trying to figure out what was blocking my path. Do you ever feel like there were profound moments of pain in your life that keep coming back for you to deal with? Do you want to smack your head and say "This again??? I thought I dealt with this already!"? Yeah. That.
My experience was being bullied from kindergarten through the fourth grade. I went to a small school, so I didn't have lots of options to find other friends... and my particular cohort would even seek me out to walk circles around me, hitting me on the head, saying hurtful things. At home, my parents were getting divorced and things were falling through the cracks, as things tend to when people are putting the shards of their lives back together into a new mosaic.
I've spent decades undoing the beliefs that I created about myself at that time. The unworthiness, being unlovable, invisible, less than. So, when it came up again I had that sense of "Really? I've done this a thousand times! How many more times do I have to address this to get to the bottom of it?". There's probably not an answer to this question... because all good food for growth continues to deliver nuggets of our personal understanding for a long while! But, I have to admit... when I got to it this time and I found anger... I felt like I was really getting to the nitty gritty.
What I know from this experience is that we can't pretend like the injustice didn't happen. We need to honor it, both as a true event, and as something that is currently standing in our way to our vision of the life we want. When we can contain these experiences as our truth, but without the resentment, then our vision can pull us forward and expand our capacity for true happiness.
The Healing Circle call this month focusses on anger transmutation, honoring the pain in our lives, and creating space for a new perspective. Please join me for transforming old pains into new capacities! The call is Sunday morning, April 6th, at 9am Pacific. Register here for call-in information.
One last thing... I created a worksheet for this Healing Circle call (feel free to download below) because I believe that for women anger can be a very powerful limiter. In order to get through it we must have a healthy way to move through and transform anger so that we can use those feelings to show up in our lives in strength and power rather than aggression and rage.
I'm an explorer of inner realms, a pattern observer, and an invitation maker. I believe that healing the world starts within.
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