I've been getting instructions on my own tending from my dreamtime. Every once in awhile I have a dream that is so completely different in feeling and character, that I know it's a message that I need to understand. Last night I had one of those dreams.
I dreamed that I was in a physical education class (never my best subject, though I do love moving my body) and I was doing the convoluted and strange exercises I was being asked to do. I just moved slowly through them. My PE teacher in the dream kept telling me how I wasn't doing it right, even though I was doing what she asked. And she kept telling me it wasn't fast enough... in effect... she kept up a stream of messages about how I wasn't good enough.
I wanted so much for her to see that her story about me... that I couldn't do it... was wrong. I wanted her to admit that I did something... anything... right. But she would not.
On waking, I realized that the PE teacher was really the younger me. I spent years with an internal voice that constantly told me I wasn't good enough. And here I was now, telling the PE teacher (or my younger self) that I wasn't motivated by being torn down, held as not good enough. Instead, that leaves me feeling depleted and unmotivated.
So, today, I'm recommitting to a practice I learned from a friend a few years ago. I learned the art of self-appreciation. It's crazy hard most of the time, because we're told that it leads to a big head, or thinking too much of ourselves, thinking we're better than others. But I don't think so.
I offer you the possibility that we don't think enough of ourselves. That we don't think highly enough of our abilities, our strengths, and our gifts. We don't claim what we're really truly good at... or the things we accomplished during the day.
So, here's my commitment... for at least one week, I'm going to begin my morning with one appreciation related to how I approach each new opportunity. And at night, I'm going to appreciate something that I did that day. I'm going to post on Facebook... you can follow me there if you want to join in... or let me know here what you're committing to do in the name of your own tending!
I'm an explorer of inner realms, a pattern observer, and an invitation maker. I believe that healing the world starts within.
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