I knew when I signed up for YoniVerse that I was going to dig deep with a story that had been with me for 27 years. I knew that it was going to tap into old grief and loneliness.
I did not know that I would find in it what I’d been wishing had been there for so long… love. I did not know that I would find triumph and fortitude.
It’s been a five-month journey into one of my defining stories. I figure I have spent about 80% of my energy in the last 27 years fighting, contradicting, or otherwise doing hand-to-hand combat with this story.
We have two more performances. And then I’m done. I have mined and found the gold, I have spent time in the grief and transformed some of it, I have cleared the shame and much of the fear… I am done.
My story will be with me always. It is part of who I am. It has left a legacy… but now that legacy is made of strength and love instead of shame and fear.
It has been very healing for me that audiences receive my story with compassion, they see in me the strength and triumph. Many people have talked to me after the performance, but the one who stands out… is the 20-something guy who told me that he was leaving with more compassion than he came with. THAT, my friends, is the power of story.
I now find myself with a huge energy surplus (not the doing kind… I’m still exhausted!)… but the creative, living-life, being-present kind of energy. What shall I do with it? I don’t know yet.
Sure, my monkey mind has a list of all kinds of things I could do with this attention-energy. I have more stories I could delve into, I have work I could do, websites to remake, etc.
But I have decided to sit in this beginning space and drink it in. I’m not sure what will come from here. I have lots of dreams I’d love to start working on… but there’s a sacred quiet here. It’s a little like being in the womb. I don’t know, and in the not knowing, there is nothing to do.
And yet, there’s a tending going on. It doesn’t look like much at face value… but it’s like singing over the seeds. It’s a prayer and an honoring.
Sure, I’m over here judging myself like mad… shoulds flying like confetti… but a wise part of me knows that even though I can’t capture it with words… something is happening. The tending.
Are you tending something? How are you sitting with it? Really… I’m curious to know. I’ve been noticing a lot about the “tending” as I think it will relate to upcoming Virtual Retreats. So, I really am interested in your experience.
I'm an explorer of inner realms, a pattern observer, and an invitation maker. I believe that healing the world starts within.
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