Why is taking compliments so hard?

Has someone ever given you a compliment and you brushed it off?  Do people tell you that you are beautiful?  That you are good at what you do?  That you are a most excellent friend?  That you are wise and wonderful?  

And then do you feel super squirmy and uncomfortable?

And then do you walk away promptly forgetting that someone sees you as beautiful / wise / successful?

And later, do you find yourself thinking that everything would be great if you just got more acknowledgement or approval?

Um.

So yeah... that happened to me this morning.  An amazingly wise and helpful friend admitted that knowing that I didn't hear when she told me about my own amazingness... that hurt her... that I didn't receive her verbal gift.  

OMG!

Um.

So... I'm making it up to her and the others that I realized I didn't hear.  I went back through my memories and remembered their gifts of love, friendship, adoration, and attraction.  I wrote a few of them on pieces of paper... and then I rolled around in them.

Yup... I really did that.

I realized that my inability to receive compliments has been life long.  It was a learned behavior... and I've worked hard as an adult to break free of self-deprecating bullshit. 


Today... I realized that I have come a long way, I can receive compliments on my appearance about 80% of the time... and about 50% of the time I can accept compliments about who I am.  

So, pat on the back... this are much better stats than I had at 20.  Or 30.  And... I still have a ways to go.  

Rolling around on the floor in paper shreds of compliments and acknowledgement is memorable... so I hope it will keep me listening (ahh... that again... seems like it's listening week).  

What does it feel like when you receive acknowledgement or compliments?  

And how much of your time do you spend wishing for compliments and acknowledgement?

Just curious ;)